Stone of Remembrance

October 30, 2008

LaFlamme Signing

Filed under: Commentary — admin @ 18:00

I read Mark LaFlamme’s Dirt after meeting him at BangPop in September. Liked the book and the author. Got an e-mail news update from him today with the following info:

I wanted to let you know that I’ll be at Percy’s Books in the Auburn Mall Sunday, Nov. 2 to sign copies of my new novel “Dirt” An American Campaign.” Great for Christmas or to commemorate the whacky 2008 election.

With me will be Gov. Frank Cotton, the presidential candidate from the story. Think this can’t be possible? Stop by and see Frank for yourself. He’ll be there shaking babies and kissing hands.

I hope you can stop by whether you’re interested in the book or not. I’ll be at Percy’s, next to JC Penney at the mall, starting at 11 a.m. and staying until they kick me out.

Good luck, Mark. Knock ‘em dead.

Adventuring Party Politics: The Campaign is Getting Ugly

Filed under: Commentary — admin @ 13:23

Thanks to Chris for this one. I don’t know where he turns this stuff up. (I added various links for your further enjoyment.)

Actually found it here as well as several other places. I like my formatting and links better.

GM: OK, the bugbear attacks you. What do you do?

OBAMA: I send one of my 672 henchmen after it.

MCCAIN: OK, seriously. Why does he have so many henchmen? I’m a level 72 ranger and he’s only a level 8 paladin.

OBAMA: Well, if you’d bought the Grassroots Organizing and Oratory/Colgate Smile proficiencies you could min max it so that you…

MCCAIN: Why is he even IN this campaign? I thought this was supposed to be a high level party.

OBAMA: Well, maybe some people got tired of the grim and squinty “Matterhorn, son of Marathon” shtick you keep doing. Dude, could you be any less original?

MCCAIN: Oh my God, I did not leave my left nut in a tiger cage in the Tomb of Horrors to spend my Friday nights mopping up after the new kid.

OBAMA: “My friends, I am a totally unoriginal grizzled character class stereotype. I should lead the party because I have more testicular damage than that one.”

MCCAIN: Yeah, well, you pal around with dark elves.

OBAMA: OH NO YOU DIDN’T.

MCCAIN: Whatever, so’s your mom.

OBAMA: So’s your FACE.

MCCAIN: So’s your Mom’s face!

HILARY: WTF you guys. Why am I playing the cleric?

MCCAIN: Hilary, we’ve been over this.

HILARY: No, dude. I am so sick of being the girlfriend healer. Seriously, I can’t even use a sword. Fuck this noise.

KUCINICH: IM A BARD

OBAMA: That’s nice.

KUCINICH: MY FAMILIAR IS A PURPLE SNOW LEOPARD

MCCAIN: Oh, Jesus. Here we go.

KUCINICH: DID I MENTION MY WIFE IS A TOTALLY BANGIN DRYAD WITH 20 CHARISMA

HILARY: C’mon you guys, I’ve been playing this shit since Gygax was in eighth grade. Why can’t I be the party leader with the magic sword for once?

MCCAIN: Because no one wants to see you in a bronze bra.

OBAMA: Oh dude, BURRRRRNNNN.

HILARY: SCREW YOU, Grandpa. I will so kick your ass.

MCCAIN: Yeah? Bring it! I didn’t spend 3 years in the Abyss with Githzerai hooking my nads up to a car battery to get beat by some Wellesley girl.

HILARY: WHATEVER, you can’t even lift your arms over your head.

RON PAUL: I brought my Planescape character!

OBAMA: Dude, we’re playing Forgotten Realms.

RON PAUL: I rift in from Sigil! I’m a Chaotic Neutral Tiefling Barbarian/Monk/Rogue!

MCCAIN: DUDE, that is not even LEGAL.

RON PAUL: Ronpaul the Barbarian say: suck it! Guns and abortions and weed for everyone! WHEEE!

PALIN: Hi folks! Sorry I’m late! I brought caribou burgers.

HILARY: Who the HELL is this?

MCCAIN: It’s cool, she’s with me.

HILARY: No! No, it’s not cool! Every time you bring one of your rodeo-queen girlfriends in here she ends up playing some succubus infiltrator and killing the whole party!

MCCAIN: Now, that is patently untrue.

BIDEN: He has a point. Cindy turned out to be a vampire.

MCCAIN: DUDE. SHUT UP.

GM: You guys, seriously, if you don’t knock it off with the bickering I’m going to start docking XP.

MCCAIN: You know what? Fuck it. I’m suspending the campaign.

GM: You can’t do that! Only I can suspend the campaign! I didn’t suspend it for the 1988 Mountain Dew shortage and I’m not going to suspend it now.

KUCINICH: YOU GUYS I AM TOTALLY CASTING A CANTRIP

MCCAIN: Oh my god, Dennis, shut up, you don’t even count.

KUCINICH: YOU GUYS ARE DICKS

BIDEN: Where are the Cheetos?

RON PAUL: Wait. What happen to tiny Mormon Man?

GM: You find Mitt’s lifeless, drained corpse has been stuffed in the broom closet.

HILARY: Oh, God damn it.

MCAIN: Not ok! NOT OK!

OBAMA: What, I didn’t even get a detect evil roll for that one?

HILARY: I TOLD you she was a succubus, but did anyone listen? Oohhhhh no, Hilary’s just jealous of the beauty queen.

RON PAUL: Pretty Lady screw Mitt lifeless. Ronpaul SMASH!!

MCCAIN: Would you please go light up a spliff and stay out of this? The grown ups are talking.

RON PAUL:
Why pretty lady suck life out of Mitt and not Ronpaul? Not fair!

HILARY: I mean, never mind that I’m the one with 17 Wisdom, but does anyone listen to the girl? Noooooo.

RON PAUL: Also Mitt have stupid name. Who name kid after baseball equipment?

KUCINICH: HAY YOU GUYS CHECK OUT MY HEAD OF VECNA TRICK

HILARY: This never would have happened when Tim Russert was our GM.

GM: You know what? Forget it. Rocks fall, everyone dies.

OBAMA: Screw you guys. I’m going to go play Bunnies and Burrows at Jon Stewart’s house.

HILARY: Me too.

MCCAIN: Me too.

KUCINICH: GAZEBO!

The Phillies Have Won

Filed under: Baseball — admin @ 08:47

The Rays made it exciting, and Bud Selig made his usual mess of things by letting it go way too far before calling the game on Monday night. Stlll, the Phils were a better lineup with a better bench; that was proven with authority in Game 4. Charlie Manuel deserves a championship; honestly, so does Joe Maddon, for taking a team that had been threatened with contraction and getting it all the way to the fifth game of the World Series.

It was a marketeer’s nightmare. Nitwit sports radio was full of hosts and callers who babbled endlessly about how disappointed they were that the Red Sox weren’t there – whining about bad managerial decisions in Game 7, particularly the caught stealing by Dustin Pedroia and just how low the TV ratings were.

Screw ‘em. The Phillies have been in the World Series three times in my lifetime – 1980, 1993 and 2008. If they hadn’t hacked it up in 1964 it would’ve been four. Much as I like the Red Sox, it’s great to see teams in the World Series including the Angels, Astros, Diamondbacks, Giants, Marlins, Padres, Phillies, Rays, Rockies, Tigers and White Sox. Cardinals, The Yankees, Braves and now Red Sox – perennial contenders – have gotten there too, but the teams listed above have been in the World Series since 1998, and that’s great.

Can the Phillies make it back? Well, Howard, Utley, Victorino, Lidge, Hamels, and a few others are a nice young core, but they have some issues to address. If your third starter is 45, that’s a problem. If your starting catcher hit .219, that’s a problem.

Can the Rays make it back? They still have to win in the steel-cage American League East. But the average team age right now is 27.5, and that’s with guys like Percival and Floyd on the roster. The look we got at David Price is only the beginning of what’s coming within the next few years.

But even so, 28 other teams didn’t even get there. Yankee Fan Mentality says that there are 29 losers and 1 winner; but the Rays – though disappointed – shouldn’t hang their heads. Honestly, neither should the Red Sox or the Dodgers. The Angels, White Sox, Brewers and the Cubs have to be wondering what the hell happened to them; and as for the Mets and Yankees . . . it’s going to be a long winter getting ready for 2009.

As for me, I can’t wait. Already ordered my cards.

October 26, 2008

Have A Sip

Filed under: Commentary — admin @ 12:26

A little promotion for the #1 game on the Geek, Agricola. Waah, I want to go to Essen!

October 22, 2008

Pandemonium Books

Filed under: A Song In Stone, Walter\'s Schedule, Writing — admin @ 13:01

Pandemonium Books, signing, November 11 at 7 PM.

Song In Stone Signing

Filed under: Commentary — admin @ 13:00

I will be at Pandemonium Books in Cambridge, Massachusetts on Tuesday, November 11 at 7 PM, to sign copies of my new book A Song In Stone. This is my first public promotion where you can actually get a copy of the book (the next one will be at Philcon two weekends following.)

Hope to see you there!

October 19, 2008

Rays In the Series

Filed under: Baseball, Commentary — admin @ 23:49

The Tampa Bay Rays are going to the World Series. The Red Sox got all the way to Game 7 but couldn’t get it done – no chokes here, no villains. Last night and last Thursday was enough to get Red Sox Nation to believe that it could be done again: a comeback like 2004 or 2007, another chance at another championship.

In the ninth inning David Price reenacted the last scene from The Natural – the book, not the movie: this time Roy Hobbs didn’t get the big hit. For the Red Sox, 2008 is over and there are a lot of questions for next year, particularly behind the plate.

Congratulations to the Rays. Guess they took my advice. It should be a great World Series, though Mike Freeman, who appears to be a moron, doesn’t think so, but Jayson Stark, who is a smart guy, doesn’t. In any case it’s a network executive’s nightmare. I couldn’t be happier.

Doesn’t Anyone Here Read Lovecraft?

Filed under: Commentary — admin @ 19:35

Apparently there is a multinational expedition to the Gamburtsev Mountains in Antarctica – the so-called “Ghost Peaks”.

It is perhaps the last great Antarctic expedition – to find an explanation for why there is a great mountain range buried under the White Continent.

The Gamburtsevs match the Alps in scale but no-one has ever seen them because they are covered by up to 4km of ice.

Geologists struggle to understand how such a massif could have formed and persisted in the middle of Antarctica.

But out here in speculative fiction already know what’s down there – Shoggoths.

Maybe they just don’t speak Spanish . . .

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6M8ku3MIn4&hl=en&fs=1]

Spammed Entries Removed. I think.

Filed under: Commentary — admin @ 18:44

I have gone through the entire blog and removed numerous entries that were somehow overwritten by spammers. This is unfortunate, as some entries were deleted that I really enjoyed writing.

I don’t know how this was done, but it lowers my confidence in Wordpress. I may have to take the blog elsewhere.

I would like to preorder a swift kick in the balls for each and every spammer on the internet, regardless of sex, creed, color, or national origin. Can anyone help me with this?

UPDATE October 19: went through every blog entry and purged a bunch of crap I missed the first time. A few spammed entries have been recovered from the internet wayback machine as well.

October 18, 2008

At Least One Reason To Visit YouTube

Filed under: Commentary — admin @ 22:12

Rap is incomprehensible at most levels, including why anyone cares to watch it. Fortunately, YouTube has explanatory videos that will help us understand it.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJnCZOw3igY&hl=en&fs=1]

It’s also worth glancing at the creators’ blog. I particularly like Ryan’s resume.

Thanks to Chris for providing the link to the transcript.

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